BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD

There is a lot to look forward to in my life. Right? Please tell me that is a true statement. I do not want to sound needy, but your positive feedback does help. I had not blogged about my job situation lately, but happily I made it through two interviews and the pre-employment physical and only had one hurdle left before beginning orientation and being among the employed (and soon the insured). Today was the pre-employment physical therapy assessment. They test your lifting capacity, legs, arms, neck, back, etc. since there is some lifting involved in the job description. At one point in the exam, the therapist became concerned with my lower back and decided I could not complete the exam without a visit from my family doctor and most likely x-rays. I am so disappointed because this will be rather costly since I have no medical benefits and no money. I have no reason to believe this is anything serious as I have not hand any major complaints. I am a bit concerned that seeing my family doctor about this may cause a pre-existing condition for future insurance claims which could prove costly if there indeed is a problem. So, do I move forward and pay hundreds of dollars for the exam and x-rays with the idea of getting a very low wage job? I don't really feel like I have much choice.

I'm going to be honest with you. I crashed emotionally today. This was a blow I did not remotely see coming. Now I have questions for you. How do you know when a situation like this is God protecting you, molding you, using you, keeping you safe or is it Stan (aka satan) tripping you up for his own purpose and destruction.

Perhaps I am being too transparent or honest, but I don't have an answer for you today. However, I will pass on the text messages between me and my daughter in law (is that proper grammar?) today. I cried out to her via text message "Didn't pass physical therapy assessment. I'm crushed. Persecuted. Condemned. Homeless. Jobless. Broke. Broken. Now what?"

Her response was right on, "You are hard pressed, not crushed. Persecuted, but not abandoned. Struck down, but not destroyed. You will continue to do what you have been doing, looking for a job while you continue to trust in Him. he knows what happened and is not surprised or unsure what to do next."

I will read these words over and over again until I believe them again. I'm having some faint heart moments when it comes to knowing that I know that I know. Know what I mean? This is scripture for me to live by. I know it, but I am having a hard time. I'm so glad this is truth from God's Word as well as from my daughter in law.

I love you all so much and appreciate your prayers. This is not my typical blog, I realize that. I am back to the drawing board. In the meantime, I will be still and know that He is God and I am not! Gabby Gal