DAY ONE? MAYBE...

He may come today. He will let me know. Looking forward to it? Not in the least. He is to call and let me know when he is coming. He laughed at me when I responded negatively to his delay. "I thought you didn't want this?" I don't want it. I do, however, want this to begin so it can end.

Pardon me for starting in the middle. He, is the probation officer. The "this" is the ankle bracelet I am to wear for the next 180 days. To say I'm dreading it is an understatement. I wonder how it is going to feel against my skin? Of course I want to know how it is going to look under my pant leg. The decision to make me wear this device has raised more questions, but answers will come in time. Time, tick tock.

Again, I wonder if I shaved my legs well enough in preparation for the attachment ceremony. I wonder if it will rub against my leg, be too tight or too loose. I wonder if it will smell. Hang on. I have a sensitive nose. I smell things others don't. Rubber stinks. How do I know the device is rubber? He showed it to me. I touched it. I felt dirty afterwards. I felt as if I had held something so ugly and evil in my hand. I wonder how they clean it after they take it off of one person before placing it on another. It looks like a bad Timex wrist watch with an extra-wide band. A green giant time piece, if you will. It is water proof. It would have to be since the item cannot be removed for the ordered 180 days. This 6 month period will take me through the summer season. I will sweat. Hot rubber + hot skin = sweat and stink. I am already thinking of ways to camouflage the tracking device, but I am not sure any of this will be allowed. I certainly don't want to do anything wrong. I was thinking of cutting the top of a sock off and put it like a 1980's wrist / sweat band underneath so it wouldn't rub on my leg. I am aware that I won't be wearing shorts or capri pants for the season as they would reveal the device which I want to remain hidden. I wonder how well hidden it will be after the blog is posted.

I really do not want to have an audience when he comes to place the device. This is very personal. I would rather it be like he was delivering pizza. Quickly he walks in, drops of what he came to deliver and out he goes to the next individual he services in like manner.

I am not certain yet how this will all work, the phone line, the device, the schedule they will impose. But I do know that I intend to comply with every request they make. I want this behind me.

I told my friend Joanne how I was feeling the other day. She prayed for me. She is quite a prayer warrior; breaks into prayer in the middle of a sentence. You really have to keep up with her, listening intently. I love her so much, my friend, Joanne. Her voice flows out of its prayerful state as quickly and easily as it went into it. I wonder if she doesn't have some special communication skill with God. He surely keeps up with her better than I do. Anyway, as she was praying for me the other day, she stopped and explained to me that I needed to think differently about this ankle monitoring device. And then she explained, "God wants you to look at that ankle bracelet and consider it as His anointing on you. Every time you look at it, you remember that God has set you apart, you are His bride and this bracelet is your Crown of Glory. Wow! That touched me in a big way. I want that Crown of Glory now. I'm ready. Bring it on.

So, today may be day one of my 180 days to wear my Crown of Glory. You never know, we may become intimate, this device and I. Right now, I'm fearful of it this new appendage I am to receive. I fear its grotesque look, it's power, it's meaning, it's shame. I fear others noticing it. I fear setting off alarms at Wal-Mart. I'm being a bit paranoid, huh?

I read a promise from Isaiah last night. God's promises are so much bigger than my fears or this mechanical tracking box. God told me, through His word, that he calls me by name, bestows on me a title of honor, gives me strength, brings prosperity and hope. I believe God's word. So I need to take my faith and remind myself that God is much greater than this thing that will be strapped to my leg soon. Why would I give this 6" piece of plastic so much power over me anyway? What am I thinking? If I believe that God is, God was and God always will be ALL things to me, then why am I worrying. God spoke light into existence - what did this hunk of junk ever do? Just sit there.

So, I have now typed myself into a complete understanding that this "thing" does not change my belief in my Lord and Saviors power and the Holy Spirit will comfort me along the way, as he has been doing already. I have also decided that writing is therapeutic and I will continue sharing this journey with you, should you desire to read. I don't necessarily want to keep this journal for the purposes of sharing a grand ol' time with the grandkids, but then again, being aware of the persecution to come for all Christians may be something they will need to know someday. I will leave that to their wise parents.

The clock is ticking ever so close to Sonic's happy hour. I want to leave the house and run to Sonic, but what if he comes without warning. I'm frozen stiff. Take me back to Isaiah, God is calling me by name. Nothing else matters.

I tell you, there is Hope and Redemption in Jesus and above all else, Love...Gabby Gal