BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD

There is a lot to look forward to in my life. Right? Please tell me that is a true statement. I do not want to sound needy, but your positive feedback does help. I had not blogged about my job situation lately, but happily I made it through two interviews and the pre-employment physical and only had one hurdle left before beginning orientation and being among the employed (and soon the insured). Today was the pre-employment physical therapy assessment. They test your lifting capacity, legs, arms, neck, back, etc. since there is some lifting involved in the job description. At one point in the exam, the therapist became concerned with my lower back and decided I could not complete the exam without a visit from my family doctor and most likely x-rays. I am so disappointed because this will be rather costly since I have no medical benefits and no money. I have no reason to believe this is anything serious as I have not hand any major complaints. I am a bit concerned that seeing my family doctor about this may cause a pre-existing condition for future insurance claims which could prove costly if there indeed is a problem. So, do I move forward and pay hundreds of dollars for the exam and x-rays with the idea of getting a very low wage job? I don't really feel like I have much choice.

I'm going to be honest with you. I crashed emotionally today. This was a blow I did not remotely see coming. Now I have questions for you. How do you know when a situation like this is God protecting you, molding you, using you, keeping you safe or is it Stan (aka satan) tripping you up for his own purpose and destruction.

Perhaps I am being too transparent or honest, but I don't have an answer for you today. However, I will pass on the text messages between me and my daughter in law (is that proper grammar?) today. I cried out to her via text message "Didn't pass physical therapy assessment. I'm crushed. Persecuted. Condemned. Homeless. Jobless. Broke. Broken. Now what?"

Her response was right on, "You are hard pressed, not crushed. Persecuted, but not abandoned. Struck down, but not destroyed. You will continue to do what you have been doing, looking for a job while you continue to trust in Him. he knows what happened and is not surprised or unsure what to do next."

I will read these words over and over again until I believe them again. I'm having some faint heart moments when it comes to knowing that I know that I know. Know what I mean? This is scripture for me to live by. I know it, but I am having a hard time. I'm so glad this is truth from God's Word as well as from my daughter in law.

I love you all so much and appreciate your prayers. This is not my typical blog, I realize that. I am back to the drawing board. In the meantime, I will be still and know that He is God and I am not! Gabby Gal

WORDS

I love to talk. I love words. Encouraging others with words, written or verbal, can have a real boom-a-rang effect. When I make someone else smile, it causes me to smile also. I'm sure this is not a light bulb kind of moment for any of you reading this. But I write this now because words have made a positive change in my life recently. The words spoken during a visit from a friend bringing a Happy Valentine's Day greeting or the words of a family member on the phone wishing me a great day, they are all very uplifting.

On the other hand, words have recently had a very negative effect on my life also. Words have stung and hurt deeply, from old friends that have focused their efforts on destruction and hate. Words spoken from a judge set limits on my life for the next 5 years. Words quickly denied me the ability to visit my grandkids. Words have been the devil's tool in an attempt to kill, steal and destroy. But...

"I bring you news of great joy..." these words from an angel brought an announcement of the birth of Jesus. We are blessed to have God's word to study and hide in our heart so that it too can bring us great joy and hope for the future.

I've received emails from people that have been words of blessing and love and encouragement. I cannot tell you how wonderful these type of words are to receive. As an example, today, I received an email from a friend expressing her desire to connect with me as soon as I'm ready. I'm so glad this person has not walked out of my life even though I have not been a good friend and have been so selfishly focused on me. I received another email from a prayer warrior that spoke of how God has called me to go through the fire and be refined. She explained that when I come out the other side, I will be sharper than I was going in. She used a sword as her example. Oh, I pray she is right. I want to be sharper and more knowledgeable about my faith. As you can tell, I'm not a bible scholar, but I do love Jesus. Here are three little, but powerful, words just for you...I love you. Go ahead, smile. I just did!

Be still and know that He is God....GabbyGal

NOTES TO SELF....

MY NEW TO DO LIST

1. GET A PEDICURE, IN SIX MONTHS!

2. BUY AN ANKLE BRACELET, NOT BLACK OR MADE OF RUBBER, IN SIX MONTHS!

3. WEAR CAPRI LENGTH PANTS, IN SIX MONTHS!

4. SHAVE LEGS TO SHOW THEM OFF, IN SIX MONTHS!

5. PRAISE THE LORD FOR ALL HE HAS DONE FOR ME, NOW!

TOUCH A LIFE TODAY

Today's blog is an email conversation I had with a couple who evangelize throughout my community. I never officially met them, but had admired their work from afar. They held special services at my church on several occasions. The first email is from me to them after I finally met them in the grocery store. The meeting went from introducing ourselves to a very intimate exchange, as you will read.

Email To: Ms. J and Mr. L
From: GabbyGal

...I told you "your devotionals have changed my life" to which you responded with words of gratitude. And then, you, Ms.J touched me; held my hand. I cannot tell you how long it had been since someone touched me in such a way physically. I hope you have time to read on. I think it may bless you to know who you are reaching and the lives you are changing along the way with your inspired words.

First and foremost, I am a believer and follower of Jesus. I am married to a man who had a motorcycle accident 3 years ago and has some brain damage as a result. To talk to him casually, one might not know, but to have an in depth relationship with him is difficult. He does not fully use the emotional part of his brain and has limited cognitive skills. This has changed the dynamics of our marriage. He is not very "touchy-feely." Again, I thank you Ms. J for holding my hand. I almost cried right there next to the bananas!

Another aspect of change in our lives is a sudden loss of job on my part. With the accident, we have been supported by my income. I have been blessed with a wonderful job until a recent turn of events caused my former employer to charge me with a crime. The tragic result of this is that we have become homeless (staying with relatives now) jobless and we have sold our car to cut down on monthly obligations. But, on top of all that, God has provided. We are not going hungry. We really have had our needs met just as God promises. I have applied for numerous jobs only to be rejected. Again, your touch, Ms. J. meant the world to me. I feel as if I am suddenly a leper that nobody wants to be around. Our friends have left us by the dozens. We were not even sure the church would accept us after the news hit the papers. I have an application out right now that I am praying will be God's will. Agree with me, please and thank you.

Now, back to what I said to you in the grocery store. Your skillful stories about your family, your dedication to the Lord in the face of adversity, your training of the children and God's training of you as parents, your love for Jesus, all of this has come to me at just the right time. One lesson you wrote recently was about choosing friends wisely. It spoke to me. I will choose my next employer/friend totally based on the Lord's voice in my ear. I am listening to Him, not a dollar sign or a position in any corporation. I am simply going to be still and know...because He is God. I have learned all this and more from my Inbox. I anxiously await tomorrows entry. Please continue to bless us, your readers. I can't wait for your book to be published!
Waiting at the well, GabbyGal

Email To: GabbyGal
Email From: Ms. J & Mr. L

WOW, what a blessing to hear from you!!! That really made our day!! We were in tears reading your story and all that you have been walking through. You are right. God is providing for you and blessing you. For you to be able to see that is a huge indication of your maturity. For all of us in this country, what a gift to have what we have…in light of countries like Haiti and many others. We are praying for you..for your husband, your marriage, for peace with all of your relatives, for the perfect job with one you can trust and depend upon, and mostly, for a continued intimacy with the One Who loves you most and best. Thank you for the encouragement about the devos and our ministry. We often think that our contribution is small and insignificant, and moments with people like you keep us going!

Blessings and Peace!!!

TO MY BLOG FRIENDS: Don't ever underestimate the power of your touch on other people's lives. You have changed mine forever.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER ARE NOISY

The other morning, while taking my baby puppy out, I heard a noise that was unfamiliar to me. I listened intently. The dog was on point, even though he's not a hunting dog. We both knew the sound coming from above us was not typical for our morning walk. I searched through the trees, investigating the "Who-who-who" that was coming from up high. I was tickled that I might see an owl perched on a limb nearby. My bifocals failed me and I couldn't find the culprit for quite some time, but the noise continued. "Who-who-who" it came louder and louder as I walked farther towards the street. And then I saw it. Well, I didn't really see much except for a bird sitting on the telephone poll. I could tell it's chest would rise and fall when it made noise so I was certainly able to identify this as the bird that was making the noise. In my excitement to see a town owl - I had only seen an owl on the farm - I ran into the house and told my Dad "You have a big owl out here and its making lots of noise!" Dad grabbed his worn out moccasins and followed me out the patio doors to the same spot in the grass where I stood before. I pointed up to the wooden pole where the bird rested. "Who-who-who" the bird repeated in performance for my father. "Did you hear that?" I asked excitedly. Dad looked at me as if I was crazy. He announced to me in a very disappointed tone, "It's not an owl, it's a turtle dove!" as he turned around and disappeared back inside the house.

I ask you, how could I have mistaken a turtle dove for an owl? I heard an owl. I heard it make the distinct noise an owl makes! We all know an owl asks "Who?" well except for the owl on the Tootsie Roll commercial. He asks "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll?" but that's another blog, another time!

I was embarrassed that morning, when left all alone near the side of the road, looking up to verify that indeed it was a turtle dove and not an owl. I had been fooled by the noise.

Has that ever happened to you? Have you identified God's voice incorrectly? I am learning, through this experience to listen more intently and identify carefully whether the "Who-who-who" is truly God calling me or stan trying to trip me up. There have been times, even recently, when I wanted the voice to be God so badly that I didn't put it to the test against His word and I was fooled. Oh may I always hear God's voice, know it, follow it only and, even when it's a whisper or the answer is "no" may I always know the difference between the two distinctly different sounds in my life.

Have you ever walked into a crowded room looking for someone in particular and even though the room is full of noise, you could still identify the voice of that person across the way? You couldn't actually see them, but you knew they were there, you felt their presence. That's how I feel about God's calling today. I hear him. I can't see him. I know He's there. I am looking intently for him. I desire His presence. Even though my life is kind of noisy right now, I still know he is there. Even though I have to wear this monitor for 177 more days, I still know He has a purpose in all of this. I just have to be still and listen, be still and know...Gabby Gal

JUST ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE

Today was a pretty blah kind of day here in paradise. Nothing too exciting happened. Well, I guess in retrospect, that's not true either. I did interview for a job and feel pretty certain I will get an offer, but I hate to be too excited since I've been shot down so many times before. I'm not surprised by the prejudice that comes with the title "convicted felon" but I am aghast as to where it came from today.

The company I interviewed with is one of the top 5 employers in my community and they have a very diverse group of employees with hundreds of what I guess to be legal aliens working for them, foreigners that are here legally. I am assuming this anyway. The HR staff member that interviewed me did ask questions about my "issue with the law" and was very kind to me. I appreciated her tender voice and non-judgmental attitude after I gave my canned "I want to get past this horrible situation and get on with my life..." speech to her. I wish I could say more, but have been advised what I should say, so I don't add my two cents in. This company seemed open and willing to work with me. I just have to pass round two of the interview whenever they call. Thank you for praying with me about this. If it is God's will, then I'm ready to accept the position. If he closes the door, I accept that as well.

Another call came in today, from a rather large volunteer organization that is currently serving the devastated population of Haiti. Due to the nature of their business, they are currently receiving large donations at the local office. They have decided they do not need a volunteer "like me" and rejected my application. I am crushed. I really wanted to serve them. I must assume God is protecting me again, from a false accusation, an evil person, a poor working environment or he simply has a better / different plan for me. Thank you, Lord!

I do not want this blog to be a downer so let me share with you how I spent my morning! It was 6:45 AM and I was awake. If I'm up, the baby puppy is up too. He wanted outside to do his doggie business. My restrictions do not allow me to leave the house until 7:00AM. Have you ever asked a dog to hold it for 15 minutes? I talked in a very gentle voice to him and explained that "Momma will get her clothes changed and take you outside in a few minutes." What you need to understand is that my dog is extra special and he does understand me when I talk to him. In very human fashion, he doesn't always agree with me or want to comply. I wasn't sure what to expect from him. My mind went to a vacation I was on with my family as a child and how many restrooms Dad drove past before he actually stopped at a rest stop for us to go potty. I wondered if my bladder was going to pop when we kept driving that day. I am almost certain the baby puppy was feeling the same. At 7:01 AM I opened the door and the dog headed for the nearest tree. All was well in his world. Have you ever watched a dog dream? Do you think they dream of fire hydrants on every street corner and bones loaded with meat? I believe my dog dreams about chasing rabbits. His legs move and jerk as if he is just about to grab onto it and then, he wakes up. I can see missed opportunity written all over his fuzzy face.

After dealing with the dog, I went to clean a house, something I have been doing every other Friday for a while. A friend of mine was gracious to give me this opportunity. I make just enough money every two weeks to groom my baby puppy. He is so worth it and I like serving my friend in this manner too.

The house is rather large with tile floors throughout a large portion. The acoustics in the house, when I'm there all alone, are great. This morning, I was feeling a bit blue and I decided the best medicine would be to praise the Lord with song. I began with a simple chorus of "I love you Lord, and I lift my voice, to worship you, oh my soul, rejoice...Take joy my king, in what you hear, may it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear!" I sang softly at first and grew louder and louder as I enjoyed the sound vibrate from the tiles to the ceiling, bouncing off the walls and back to me. I was singing at the top of my lungs changing tunes occasionally. I vacuumed and dusted and cleaned toilets and mirrors with a heavy spirit at first, but after about four rounds of worshipful songs, my heart caught up with my mouth and I finally had a worshipful attitude. I can imagine God smiling and laughing at me. I think he does that quite often. I love to laugh and I think when I live in heaven, Jesus and I are just going to see each other on the street and break into laughter, the belly laugh kind. The laughs that make you snort. We are just going to enjoy each other's company and then I am going to ask a ton of questions! For those of you that know me well, can you imagine how I am going to talk and talk and talk to Jesus when I get there? It's going to be amazing! He listens to me now, it will be amazing to talk to Him face to face! You know the saying, "talk your ear off"...well He would just heal it back on....oh what a goofy statement. I'm digressing again....sorry.

So, its the end of the day. It's been uneventful when compared to yesterday. Perhaps this is exactly what I needed, a day to just "Be still and know that He is God"...GabbyGal

THE EAGLE HAS LANDED

The Eagle has landed. Starsky and Hutch have left the building. Device is activated. I'm not one for CSI or NCIS or even Judge Judy so I'll give it to you straight; no code talk, the ankle monitor has been attached and new parameters put into place for my roaming the earth.

In very "me" fashion, I whined and whimpered when it was attached. However, after about 30 minutes of digesting what just happened, I determined "it's not that bad."

I hope you all don't use this statement against me later on. Okay, so maybe my friends and family will have to remind me at some point that this "is not so bad." To be honest with you, I haven't looked at "it" since it was placed. It's my method of denial. It's not there if I don't see it. Kind of like roaches in a Chinese restaurant! Okay all of you that have eaten at Peking Taste, (city not named for liability purposes) groan now! LOL

My emotional reaction probably is to be expected, especially from me, but this afternoon I begin to ask myself a very important question. Who am I in this story? When people hear about what happened, who do they determine me to be? Am I a victim, helpless and in distress waiting for someone to come rescue me? Am I the hero, avenging wrong doing and saving the day for all others in distress? Am I the villian, sneeky and untruthful? This has really caused me to think about my reaction to all that has taken place in the last two plus years. I think I may have played all three roles, victim, hero and villian, at different intervals. I have determined that God's word clearly says He is the author and finisher. I believe God is asking me to surrender AGAIN let Him be God. He is asking me to surrender my day, my night, my career, my family, my future, my will, my ALL. He is trying to keep the scenes of my life moving by His direction and I keep getting in the way. Can you see God with that black thing they use when making a movie - I don't know what its called. God yells, "Debbie's life - Act 46 take 3" and snap goes the movie thing. Suddenly, I try to take over and act contrary to God's plan and he yells, "Cut!" I know there have been times I have not listened. Other times, I give in knowing He should be the one in charge, not me! Oh these are hard lessons to learn. I want to go to commercial breaks often. You know the funny ones, like the "Where's the beef?" lady of years back.

Anyway, back to the question I have asked myself this afternoon..."Who am in this story?" I have answers now, after studying God's word. I am the head and not the tail, above and not beneath, redeemed, an heir, a branch, free from the law of sin and death, chosen, holy, the righteousness of Christ, set apart and His bride.

So today a new part of my life's story took place. But, what stan meant for harm and destruction, God used as a lesson for me. I am not the villian. I am not the hero. I am not the victim. I am His child. He is my Abba Father and I will let Him guide me, today and tomorrow.

Remember, there is hope and redemption through Jesus. Be still and know...GabbyGal